The Panther Process was forged from the depths of my soul. I had ignored it for too long living in a paradigm, belief systems, that taught me it wasn't safe to be me. It wasn't safe to be different, not safe to have power, not safe to be magic. Too much trauma, too many disappointments.
Enter ferocious exhaustion of working in three of the most stressful industries in New York City. After more than a decade in the film, fashion and real estate industries, I finally walked away from a successful career in the city’s stratospheric real estate market after deciding I’d had enough of killing myself for what I had deemed ‘achievement’. Too tired to pursue my passions, too exhausted to enjoy my life, enslaved by the hamster wheel, with my broken heart I closed my eyes and pulled in deep to make a deal with the Universe.
“There has to be something else.
If this next deal comes through, I promise to leave, to give myself a break.
Get some space for possibility."
When the Universe answered, it shouted… and in triplicate. I was gone. What was planned as a 3 week excursion turned into four months, then three years based on the other side of the world: a layer stripping, onion peeling, gut wrenching, heart ripping, shadow riding, raw, passionate, uplifting, light blasting, fascinating journey into the deep subconscious of my Soul. As I began to integrate pieces of myself, I understood that I was not quite the person I once was. I saw who I was before life happened… that glimmer of Soul I had forgotten to feed that was magic, my magic.
Along the way, I met my Shadow. Actually I didn't just meet it... I licked it, tasted it, bleed through it, cried over it, danced with it, fought it, screamed at it, fell into it, died in it.
Early in the process, I felt fragmented, not understanding how to live in both of my worlds, how to make a new one integrating the vulnerability within the new layers I was discovering, embracing all the parts of me I loved, never loved, and was learning to love. I didn’t have the words to describe what I was witnessing within. I studied many traditions, explored the stories of others, seeking tangible words of wisdom and plans of action to figure out what came next… someone who had the courage to speak their truth. Who else was in this process and spoke with wisdom about coming out the other side... I didn’t find what I was looking for. Most of what I found was a superficial take on the road to spirituality littered throughout pop culture publications or falsified egoic 'gurus'. So many accounts were about how to ‘unplug' from the rat race, only to find themselves still ‘plugged’ into a new version of one, a digital nomadic culture, or languishing in the company of other escapees of the Shadow. These people didn't change, they just wore a different esthetic in disguise.
I needed a guide.
I felt more determined as my journey continued to empower others to walk with courage inside the flames of transformation. To be the guide I had wished for to walk the Shadow path with grace, to be held by a safe, creative, joyous space. Embracing and recognizing my soul’s purpose as a Shadow Worker has been a journey of absolute terror, courage, grace, disaster, and unimaginable Love. Far from over.
Welcome to the Panther Process.